I feel like I am on a never ending rollercoaster of uncontrollable emotions. I wish I could unlatch myself and jump off to safety, but how safe would that really be? Right now, I’m ascending up the steepest part of the ride. Butterflies in my stomach, palms getting sweaty from anxiety as I clench the hand bars, close my eyes, all in preparation for the fall. And then I realize…
I use to think I was so sure of where my heart belonged. But in reality, I’m starting to figure out that the feelings I thought I had weren’t nearly as deep as I anticipated. Part of me wants to just believe I can still love the same. But the other part of me, so incredibly persuaded and shattered by horrifying experience, wants me to be isolated, alone, disconnected.
I almost feel obligated to be this image thrusted upon me by my environment. I want to just throw in the towel, knowing that as soon as I get up I will be shot down. Sometimes to grow and to evolve in life, we have to give up. I’m ready too. Believe me when I say I’m more than eager to give up and throw it all away… But I’m not going to give that satisfaction to those whose every wish is to see me hit rock bottom.
Whomever I loved, liked, or even disliked, I’m emotionally detatching from you. But its accidental… I can’t help but be Hopelessly Undevoted to you…
There comes a point in everyone’s life where they have to make a decision that will shape the rest of your future or even break. But how do you know which decision is the right one? Do we have to fall to learn? Or can we automatically just make the right decision?
Where is the easy button when you need it? Truthfully, I’m an indecisive and utterly insane person when it comes to making my own choices. I can’t help it! One day, I’m set in stone on what I want, but then as soon as I get time to honestly think about it, is where the problem begins.
For instance, the military. I know I’m joining for sure. Or at least I think I do. DANG! There I go. Anyway, back to the main point. I have people in my life who are willing to support me in what ever I do. But then, I have people who truly love me that do not want me to even fathom the thought of being a part of the armed forces. There’s so much the Army can offer me. Even with that known, I get these people who disagree with my career who can persuade me there’s so much more the world can offer rather than the military. But is that really the truth?
Either way, at some point I have to make a decision. And believe me, its going to be a life changing decision.
“Love is the strongest bond between two natural beings, a bond in which could never be broken or disgruntled. The moment this bond is broken, becomes the actuality that, that so called bond, is truly not love…”—anonymous
How far do people with optimism go? How long do people with negativity last?
I guess that no matter how hard you try to be positive, that there’s not always people willing to see from your point of view. I’ve had my struggle with these so called “Unhappy” people. Honestly, its not even worth it anymore. People live how they truly wish to live. I just want to know how far do you think that will take you?
Lets start with an analogy…
When you have a team, for instance, volleyball, how well do you think the team will do if the coach is a monotone, non-supportive, always negative coach. Will that team make it to state? Will they gain the confidence and skills necessary if they don’t have a coach who will get down to their level and help improve the mistakes or build skill? I guarantee about 99% of teams with these kind of coaches would never make it to state.
How bout another sport…
Let’s try dance. Hitting hard at home, right? Well, Within this dance team, how well do you think the team will do with captains who just sit atop the bleachers calling you how out on your moves but never correcting them on a one to one basis rather than embarrassing them or having them lose confidence and the spirit they need to improve? Or even better, how bout captains, or shall I say, CAPTAIN, who feels control is necessary and support is just a reward? What kind of scores would that team make in a competition? Certainly not enough for a 1st place.
I feel as though, being a positive leader, captain, coach, etc., makes for a good team. If someone were to constantly be negative, constantly be on your back, where’s the support in that? I don’t feel as if there is any. The most successful people in life are those who carry the will power and optimism in themselves and in others. You could only go so far with a broken wing…
Just try it for a day,
See how much of a difference your day could be. I’d bet it would turn out better than you have ever experienced.